Do Narcissists Attract Fellow Narcissists?

The question whether narcissists attract other narcissists is not a new one. In my experience, the answer is often a resounding yes. My ex-partner's relationship with his friend exemplifies this phenomenon, as their mirrored behaviors and deep-seated, envious desires toward other people often go unnoticed until it's too late.

Observations of a Mirrored Relationship

My ex-partner and his friend walked, talked, and behaved in similar ways. They even used the same hand gestures and started listening to the same music. It was clear that something was amiss, and it made me uneasy. I suspected that they had a shared interest or even an attraction to each other, though at the time, I couldn't be sure.

A Closer Look at the Friendship

Their relationship was more than just a superficial similarity. The friend worked while my ex-partner babysat and cleaned without paying rent. It became evident that my ex-partner was not only a friend but a source of financial and emotional support. I confronted him, telling him that he was behaving like the friend's personal slave. He did not take kindly to my accusations and insisted that he and his friend were simply good friends.

The Underlying Inequality

However, a closer analysis reveals that their friendship is not one of equals. In the case of relationships involving narcissists, the dynamics shift significantly. The higher the level of narcissism, the more control and dominance that person asserts over others. My ex-partner's counterpart became their leader or "tribal leader," while my ex-partner and others like them became his 'slaves' or enablers. This dynamic is exhibited even in their interactions and the lines between friendship and exploitation blur.

Enabling Narcissists

The nature of their relationship is not only exploitative but also enabling. Friends and acquaintances who enable narcissists often become part of a larger pattern where these individuals support one another in their manipulation and deceit. This dynamic is often seen in setups where a narcissist preys on vulnerable individuals, with enablers obscuring the reality of their behavior. In my case, the friend was not just a passive listener but an active participant in my ex-partner's manipulation and eventual detachment from me.

Conclusion

While the initial attraction between narcissists may appear harmless or even beneficial, the underlying emotional and financial investment often leads to a more complex and manipulative relationship. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it's essential to recognize the signs of enablers and discuss your concerns openly. Recognizing the dynamics at play can help prevent entanglement in harmful relationships.

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