Love and Marriage: A Journey of Mutual Devotion and Growth

The age-old question of whether it is better to marry a person whom you love or a person who loves you has been a topic of debate for ages. This question encompasses not just love, but also the foundations and goals of true marital relationships. In this exploration, we will delve into the intricacies of love in marriage, its spiritual dimension, and the differences between love marriages and arranged marriages.

The Love of Christ and Its Lessons

Christ’s love for us serves as a profound metaphor for the kind of love that should exist in marriage. In 1 John 4:10, it is written, 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.' This illustrates the ultimate form of love—a love that is unconditionally given without expecting anything in return. In the same way, healthy marriages should be built on mutual love, where both partners support and nurture each other's growth.

Love in Relationships

A quote from Albert Einstein, 'You cannot force someone to love you when the feeling isn’t mutual,' resonates deeply. Love in marriage is not about who loves more, but about both partners loving and accepting each other. The key is to marry only when both individuals are truly in love and cannot imagine life without each other. Mutual love is the bedrock of a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

Spiritual Love

From a spiritual perspective, love in marriage is more than just emotional or physical attraction. It involves a deeper, more profound level of commitment. Christ described Himself as a vine and us as the branches (John 15:5). This means that our love for each other must be rooted in abiding in Christ and allowing Him to work in our lives. He prunes, protects, and fertilizes us, making us fruitful in the works of love. This mutual love is what transforms our lives and relationships.

Healing and Restoration

Love also brings healing and restoration. Just as the Holy Spirit works in us to bring peace, joy, and love, so does love in marriage bring its counterparts to our relationships. Through mutual love, both partners can experience restoration and growth. This does not negate the imperfections of human nature, but rather, encourages us to use our current state as a springboard for transformation.

Arranged Marriages

In the context of arranged marriages, the question becomes more relevant due to the lack of initial affection. An arranged marriage might not be based on immediate love, but on trust and the hope of mutual love developing over time. If someone deeply loves you, their love can serve as a strong foundation for the marriage, even if you do not initially feel the same way. Providing yourself with time can often lead to mutual love and compatibility.

The Power of Time and Understanding

Rumi’s words, 'The whole secret of this coming and going of love is in not holding on to the love you have; but only in the vast whole river of love that flows to and fro; and its current always carries us, insistently, beyond our holding and our clinging.' This highlights how love, whether immediate or developing, requires an open heart and mind to discover and embrace its full potential.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the best foundation for marriage is love itself, whether it is the intense immediate spark or the slow-burning warmth that grows over time. Mutual love is not about force or comparison but about engaging in a journey of mutual devotion and growth. By embracing the teachings of Christ and the lessons from great thinkers like Albert Einstein, we can better understand and navigate the complexities of love in marriage.