Preparing People for Life: The Role of Safety and Choice

People often debate whether achieving success and happiness requires either building a strong sense of self or meeting one’s basic needs for survival. This is indeed a false dichotomy. A high degree of safety—both physiological and relational—plays a crucial role in preparing individuals for life. When we meet these survival needs consistently and reliably, we lay a strong foundation for making wise choices and leading flexible, resilient lives.

Developing a high level of safety means meeting key physiological and relational needs at pivotal developmental stages. If these needs are consistently met, individuals tend to have lower levels of harm or trauma as they move forward. Conversely, when these needs are not met, individuals must work harder to compensate, to reach their full potential. Relational harm or trauma, for instance, necessitates healing before one can truly thrive.

Many practices labeled as self-mastery often amount to detachment and dissociation. A person may perform well on the surface but feel miserable or numb internally. This is not actual self-mastery; it’s merely a substitution of rigid adherence to external norms for flexible, intentional self-led decision-making.

Self-mastery begins with knowing oneself deeply and clearly, which can only develop in a safe environment. Without a strong sense of self, true self-leadership is impossible. In fact, imposing stressful or traumatic conditions on someone in the hope of preparing them for life is misguided and potentially harmful. Just as forcing an eight-year-old to lift 300 pounds won’t build strength, pushing someone beyond their limits through forced experiences can discourage and wound them.

The Importance of Safe Spaces

Safe spaces are essential for growth, healing, and becoming stronger and more capable. These spaces allow individuals to explore their worlds without fear, to take intentional risks, and to confidently engage in difficult conversations and interactions. When such spaces are available, individuals don’t need to be dragged out of their comfort zones; they will naturally seek to expand their horizons as these opportunities present themselves.

Creating and fostering safe spaces means recognizing and addressing both physiological and relational needs. This includes providing stable physical environments, emotional support, and opportunities for meaningful connections. When these needs are met, individuals can develop the self-awareness, resilience, and flexibility necessary to navigate the complexities of life.

It’s important to approach such spaces with empathy and understanding. Forcing individuals into traumatic or high-stress situations is not an effective or ethical way to support them. Instead, we must focus on creating environments that nurture growth and healing, where individuals can thrive and develop the skills they need to lead fulfilling lives.

In conclusion, preparing people for life involves ensuring their safety and fostering the choice to explore new possibilities. By creating and safeguarding these conditions, we can help individuals build a strong foundation for a resilient and fulfilling life.