Reflections on Raising a Large Family with Special Needs

Introduction

The decision to have many children can bring immense joy and fulfillment, but it can also present significant challenges and responsibilities. In this article, I will share personal experiences and reflections on raising a large family, particularly one with special needs. From the challenges faced by my grandmother and her large family to our journey with a houseful of children, we will explore the realities and rewards of such a journey.

The Early Influences: My Grandmother's Experience

My grandmother, who had eight children, suffered from the pressures of a large family. She was often exhausted and stressed, dealing with constant child-rearing responsibilities without the support of her husband. Unfortunately, she also faced substance abuse issues, which only compounded the challenges. Even my mother, the eldest, had to act as a pseudo babysitter for her siblings throughout her childhood, illustrating the emotional and physical toll this had on her. This experience highlights the importance of careful consideration for families with many children in the modern world.

My Journey with a Large Family

We started with one child for over a dozen years. The focus on perfection was intense, but reality soon set in. As we adopted a 6-year-old boy who had suffered severe abuse and had fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), the dynamics of our family changed. Suddenly, our priorities shifted towards survival and providing a nurturing environment. This was followed by the adoption of three preschool siblings, each affected by cocaine exposure and premature birth, further complicating our lives. We eventually welcomed four more children, ending up with over 20 years between the oldest and youngest. Each of these children came with unique needs and challenges.

Challenges and Rewards

Life with a large family can be challenging, with emotional highs and lows. Moments of joy and acceptance are interspersed with difficult periods. For us, the social worker's advice to adopt more children with emotional problems in order to focus on a different child who needed care most resonated deeply. As a parent in such a situation, it becomes easy to become overly focused on the difficult aspects of life, neglecting the positive moments. However, with a houseful of children, there is always one who brings a smile to your face, providing the necessary strength to face the rest of the day.

Importance of Resilience and Support

For those navigating the waters of a large family with special needs, resilience is key. Seeking support from professionals, joining support groups, and fostering a community can make a significant difference. Remember that each child brings unique strengths and qualities, despite their challenges. My experience has taught me that one simple act of love or a kind word can be enough to navigate the toughest of days.

Conclusion

While my experience may not be universal, it underscores the importance of thoughtful consideration and support when contemplating a large family. For many, the rewards of a large, supportive family far outweigh the challenges. If you find yourself in a similar situation, cherish each moment, seek help when you need it, and remember that every child brings something special to the family.