Understanding the Dynamics of Self-Respect and Respect from Others

Imagine a scenario where a person with no self-respect jumps into a lake to save a drowning child. Despite the noble intention, the individual sacrifices their own life in the process. Strangely, the person is still revered as a hero and respected for their bravery and selflessness, even though their lack of self-respect is clear until the end. This paradox highlights the complexity of the relationship between self-respect and respect from others.

The Importance of Self-Respect

It’s crucial to acknowledge that self-respect is a fundamental trait that should exist before an individual can genuinely be respected by others. Just as you cannot lie about loving someone into their hearts, similarly, you cannot expect others to respect you simply by claiming it. People tend to respect those who are selfless, not those who are self-absorbed.

Self-respect is rooted in recognizing one’s intrinsic value and worth. It’s about acknowledging our strengths, weaknesses, and the unique gifts we possess. This recognition forms the basis for self-worth, which is essential for building genuine and lasting relationships.

Personal Experience: Navigating Self-Esteem and Identity

I, like many others, have struggled with self-esteem throughout much of my life. My upbringing in a household where two grandiose narcissists served as my parents and teachers added a layer of complexity. The pressure to perform and the deprivation of a sense of identity were pervasive. My brother and I were expected to fit into their vision of success, with no room for our individual identities.

Growing up, we were treated as mini versions of our parents, part of a grand charade to support their image-building attempts. This environment, with its rigid standards and lack of personal growth, led to a foundational lack of self-identity. I was constantly told that I was incapable and treated as a 'baby,' which made me feel that I had no value. This internalized message further eroded my self-respect.

The Impact of External Control on Self-Respect

Our identities are often shaped by the expectations and control of others, particularly in environments like school and family. When we rely solely on external validation, we struggle to develop our own sense of worth and confidence. This reliance creates co-dependency, where we continue to seek approval from others, rather than from within.

Living in this bubble can lead to a distorted self-perception, where we do not believe in our capabilities. We may struggle to recognize the gifts that God has bestowed upon us, instead focusing on our perceived shortcomings. This mindset of self-devaluation is problematic because it hampers our potential for success and fulfillment.

Turning Point and Redefining Identity

A turning point in my life came when I realized that despite my father’s flaws and insecurities, he had gone to the cross with Jesus Christ. This realization, combined with the powerful message of faith, brought about a transformation in my understanding of self-worth. I saw that I too, had been risen with Christ, into a new identity based on victory, not failure.

Believing that God sent me with the purpose of succeeding, not failing, changed my perspective. I recognized that being called by God means being equipped to fulfill that purpose, supported by Him. My identity is no longer defined by the expectations or biases of others but by my relationship with God and my unique gifts.

Embracing Faith for True Self-Worth

For those who are believers, the presence of the Greater One within us is a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. Faith can help us overcome self-hatred and negative perceptions, replacing them with a positive outlook. This mindset shift allows us to redefine our worth based on our strengths and aspirations, rather than our perceived limitations.

To truly build self-respect and earn respect from others, we must first believe in our worth. This involves recognizing our abilities and the gifts we have been given. By doing so, we can break free from the chains of external control and live with the confidence and self-worth that come from a deep faith.