The Role of Scapegoats in Narcissistic Behavior

Understanding Scapegoats in Narcissism

Scapegoats are often portrayed as the "fall guy" for a narcissist's bad behaviors. However, the relationship between a narcissist and a scapegoat is far more complex than just being blamed for wrongdoing. This article delves into the dynamics of this relationship, exploring why and how narcissists rely on scapegoats and the detrimental effects on both parties.

My Experience with Scapegoating

In my toxic relationship with another narcissist, I began to understand the power and significance of scapegoats. Here is how it unfolded in my case:

The Beginning of the End

"My toxic relationship with another narcissist was dwindling fast. It was a relationship filled with backstabbing, manipulation, and emotional abuse. Why was I so hooked? Yes, two narcissists can hook each other, and they can form attachments, albeit toxic ones. However, they would never show weakness by revealing their true feelings. It was a calculated game of control and manipulation.

The Scapegoat Emerges

"I sent some messages, all in a controlling and manipulative style, to her mother. After a while, I realized how utterly narcissistic this was, so I unsent the messages. Her mother, unaware of the messages, launched a smear campaign. This campaign was so relentless that she blocked me using a name that wasn't mine, her own. It was a clear way to distance herself and her family from any connection to me.

The Triangulation Trap

"The relationship was further complicated by an old friend of hers who was toxic. She allowed him to stay at her and her brother's house after he was kicked out by his girlfriend. This was a clear sign that something was amiss. A couple of weeks later, she caught him stealing for the second time. In a strange twist of events, she messaged me, saying, 'You were right, he's a piece of shit. I should have listened to you! '

Imagine her saying, 'I was right,' but with a catch. Her conditional benevolence meant she wanted to know if her mother had read the messages before I unsent them.

The Dynamics of Scapegoating

A narcissist always needs a scapegoat, preferably more than one. You, as a scapegoat, are rich in emotional strength, while the narcissist is emotionally bankrupt. They see a potential for a trade where they unload their inner demons, flaws, and negativity onto you.

A scapegoat serves as a vessel for the narcissist to manage their emotional turmoil. Since narcissists are terrible at regulating their emotions, they rely on scapegoats to carry their burden. Without someone to project their feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, or dissatisfaction, they become overwhelmed.

Here are some methods a narcissist uses to scapegoat:

Telling you that your work wasn’t good enough to plant seeds of self-doubt. Watching your uncertainty to boost their sense of competence. Pitting you against others to make you feel disposable. Gaslighting you into questioning reality while your confusion clears their mind.

Why Scapegoating is Detrimental

Scapegoating can be incredibly damaging. It's a toxic exchange where the scapegoat absorbs the narcissist's emotional baggage, leading to significant mental and emotional strain. In return, the narcissist basks in the temporary relief of control they achieve by making the scapegoat feel insignificant.

Further Reading on Narcissism

For a deeper understanding of narcissism, I highly recommend reading the articles below: 15 Scary Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact 12 Signs Someone is a Narcissist 10 Actions That Terrify Narcissists to Their Core How To Outsmart A Narcissist: THIS Will Surprise You 7 Stages of Detoxing From A Narcissist 7 Phrases of the Empath that DESTROY the NARCISSIST