Why Parents Make Empty Promises for Chores: The Impact on Children

Introduction

Many parents find themselves in a predicament when it comes to motivating their children to do chores. They often make promises, stating that their children will be rewarded for completing tasks, with the intention of providing an incentive. However, the reality is that these promises are often left unfulfilled. This article explores why parents make empty promises and the impact it has on children.

Why Do Parents Make Empty Promises?

Parents make empty promises for chores for a variety of reasons, primarily to motivate their children to get tasks done. Two common reasons are:

Provision of Motivation: Parents use promises as a way to initially encourage their children to start completing chores. However, the inconsistency in actually delivering on these promises sets a disingenuous expectation. Forgot or Insufficient Resources: Some parents either forget to deliver the promised rewards or simply do not have the financial resources to provide the incentives they promised.

Children, on the other hand, might only do chores in the short term if promised rewards are never realized. This inconsistency affects their trust in the family's word and can have long-lasting negative impacts.

Family Dynamics and Parenting Tactics

Family dynamics are diverse and do not follow a one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one family might not work for another. Different parents employ different tactics, and these can vary greatly. Some families might consistently follow through with their promises, while others may struggle to do so due to various factors such as financial constraints or simply becoming forgetful.

My experience growing up is a testament to the variability in parenting styles. My parents did make deals and were firm about their expectations. However, they did not overhounding us in the process.

My Personal Experience

Chore Promises and Motivation

My mother and I had to make deals quite often. She was firm and consistent in her expectations. However, she didn’t change her mind on the terms once agreed upon, and there was no need to constantly remind me of the deal. She frequently reminded me to do my own laundry starting at the age of 11 or 12, and conveniently requested it on Wednesday nights, as the girls did their laundry on other days, and I usually did it once or twice a week. I also took out the trash when asked by my father.

Video Games and Additional Incentives

When I started playing video games, I struck a deal with my father. A peer at school mentioned getting an allowance from their parents. I asked for a similar arrangement for my parents. We agreed that I would do dishes twice a week, change the cat litter twice a week, take out the trash once a week, and feed the cats every morning. In exchange, I would receive an allowance. Initially, I received $8 per week, and a year later, it increased to $12 per week, as renting games became more expensive.

With my allowance, I could rent two video games, a video game and a movie, or a bag of chips and a bottle of soda. This arrangement worked for us, but I acknowledge that not all families are in a position to do so. Regardless, I think it's the best approach. If the reward isn't delivered, one should ask why and what needs to be done differently to achieve the reward.

Conclusion

While making promises can be an effective motivator in the short term, it's important for parents to be consistent and follow through with their promises. Empty promises can lead to distrust and disappointment in children. Families should aim for an honest and fair system that benefits everyone involved, ensuring that chores become part of a healthy routine rather than a series of unmet expectations.